You’re Not Calm — You’re Just Holding Everything Together
Many people who struggle with anxiety don’t feel anxious in the way they expect.
They’re not panicking.
They’re not falling apart.
They’re not visibly struggling.
In fact, they often look like they’re coping very well.
They get things done.
They stay organised.
They keep going.
And inside, they’re exhausted.
When Anxiety Doesn’t Look Like Anxiety
High-functioning anxiety often hides behind:
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Productivity
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Perfectionism
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Overthinking
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Constant planning
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A need to stay in control
From the outside, it looks like competence.
From the inside, it feels like never being able to rest.
People often say:
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“I can’t switch my mind off.”
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“I relax, but I’m still tense.”
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“I don’t feel calm — just relieved when things don’t go wrong.”
That’s not calm.
That’s vigilance.
Why “Coping Well” Can Still Feel Awful
High-functioning anxiety usually develops for a good reason.
At some point, staying alert, capable, and on top of things helped you feel safer.
It might have helped you:
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Avoid criticism
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Prevent mistakes
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Manage uncertainty
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Keep things from falling apart
The problem isn’t that this strategy exists.
The problem is that it never switches off.
So your system stays busy:
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Scanning for what could go wrong
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Replaying conversations
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Preparing for problems that may never come
Over time, this becomes exhausting — even if life looks “fine”.
Control Isn’t Calm
One of the biggest misconceptions about anxiety is this:
If you’re functioning, you must be okay.
But functioning through control is not the same as feeling safe.
Control reduces immediate threat.
It doesn’t create rest.
That’s why people with high-functioning anxiety often feel worse when they slow down.
Stillness removes the structure that keeps anxiety contained.
Why Insight Alone Doesn’t Fix It
Most people with this kind of anxiety are highly self-aware.
They already know:
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Where it comes from
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Why they do it
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That it’s irrational
And yet, their body doesn’t get the memo.
That’s because anxiety isn’t resolved by understanding alone.
It shifts when your nervous system learns — gradually — that it doesn’t have to stay on guard.
Therapy for High-Functioning Anxiety
Therapy isn’t about telling you to “let go” or “stop worrying”.
It’s about:
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Understanding what your anxiety is protecting you from
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Reducing the internal pressure to perform or hold everything together
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Learning how to feel safe without constant control
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Creating space to rest without collapse or guilt
This is quiet work.
But it’s powerful.
Something to Reflect On
Instead of asking:
“How do I get rid of this anxiety?”
Try asking:
“What would happen if I didn’t have to hold everything together?”
That question often opens the door to real change.
A Gentle Invitation
If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken — and you’re not failing at coping.
You’re just using a strategy that’s costing you more than it gives.
I offer a free consultation if you’d like to explore this further — no pressure, no commitment.